My due date

I started this post on Dec 23rd....

I have been really busy this month, which has been good, but I think I have been avoiding thinking about the fact that my due date from my last pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage at 7 weeks is getting very very close.  My due date was Dec. 26th. This thought pops into my head at least once a day, but I very quickly push it out of my head. But, as I get closer to the 26th and as I have had a little free time, I have allowed myself to think about it more.  This whole Christmas season has felt empty to me. I have gone through the motions, gone shopping, sent out Christmas cards, decorated the tree, but I feel none of the magic and excitement of the season. 

And finished it on Dec 28th...

I still don't know how to put into words what I have been feeling. I have felt moments of deep sadness, but I haven't felt overwhelmed with sadness like I expected.  The pain isn't nearly as fresh and raw as it was 7 months ago, but it is still there. I also feel a sense of relief to have made it past the due date, because it has been looming out in the future for so many months.  While there is relief, there is also disappointment that I am no closer to being a mom. I really thought I would have been pregnant again before my due date. I was really holding out hope that I would get pregnant in November, because I thought it would have made Dec 26th so much easier. Going through this with my husband by my side has brought great comfort and I know that God, the great comforter, is with us and guiding us through this journey.