Announcements

I wonder who will make their announcement tomorrow? That’s what I asked my husband last night after receiving the 2nd pregnancy announcement in 2 days.


Announcement #1

My mom and sister-in-law were visiting this past weekend, and I knew that my SIL had been taking clomid for the past few cycles in an attempt to make her body ovulate. She doesn’t ovulate on her own at all, so she started seeing an OB/GYN and he said he would try for a few clomid cycles and then refer her to an RE if that didn’t work. When she didn’t seem to respond to clomid, I was really encouraging her to see an RE. But she wanted to finish out the three clomid cycles before moving on. On the last cycle it once again looked like her follicles just weren’t maturing. So, she was completely shocked when she got a positive HPT a couple weeks ago, and so was her doctor. Neither of them thought there was any chance that she would conceive on that cycle. She had an ultra sound last week and saw the little baby and heard the heartbeat!

She was really nervous to tell me for fear that she would make me feel bad. It is very sweet of her to think of my feelings. I am truly excited for her and so thankful that she didn’t have to go through years of testing and treatment to become pregnant, but it does make me sad for myself, that it hasn’t been that easy for me, and I am still waiting for my baby. It also makes me regret not starting treatments sooner, but at the same time, I believe that God has a plan for each of us, and his timing is perfect.

Also on Sunday, the message in church was about having courage when we face trials whether big or small. I felt God reminding me to have courage and keep trusting Him. My SIL also said that she has fears that something is wrong on the days that she doesn’t feel the pregnancy symptoms, and the message reminded her to trust God with her fears.

Yesterday was a crazy day! My husband left for an over-night work trip and my parents left their dog with us for a couple days. So, I came home from work at lunch to check on the dogs (my parent’s dog and our 2 dogs) and let them go outside. Then, I left work at 2:30 to go to my doctor’s appt. I had been waiting to see my doctor for a month to discuss starting a medicated cycle w/out IUI. I was praying that I would have a longer cycle the previous month so that I wouldn’t have to wait another month after seeing my doctor to actually start the meds. God answered my prayer, because I started my period on Sunday, so I saw the doctor on cycle day 2. I still took a HPT on Saturday, but I was only mildly disappointed with the BFN, since it meant that I would be able to start meds on the next cycle.

It was the most positive experience I have ever had at my doctor’s office. I usually wait a minimum of 30 minutes before seeing my doctor, but today I was speaking with my doctor probably within 5 minutes of my scheduled visit. Amazing! There were even 2 groups of families going in for ultra sounds and it didn’t even bother me. Well, ok, it bothered me a little bit, but I didn’t have to fight back tears, so I will call that a victory! When I met with my doctor, he really took his time. He reviewed my entire file, took notes and asked me questions about my history. It was so nice, I didn’t feel rushed at all. I asked him if it was a slow day around here. He said yeah, I don’t know what happened. Everyone who was supposed to be here must have delivered over the weekend.

After looking through the file, he mentioned that my husband’s SA was ok, but possibly border-line ok. He said that the SA was done at our local hospital and so the results were reliable, but could be better (?) from a place that specializes in SA’s. If I remember correctly, he said that his numbers were close to 60 million per ml, with 58% morphology and 57% motility. I could have the morph. & mot. switched, but they were pretty close to the same. Basically it means that there are about 20 million good sperm in each ml. He said that ideally you should have a minimum of 20 million in order to conceive naturally and 5-10 million for IUI. But, if those results are off a little bit, it could make a big difference in whether he recommends IUI or not. The closest place to do the SA is about 2 hours away. My doctor also said that because we conceived spontaneously last April, that most likely it isn’t an issue. So, he gave me the option of going ahead with a medicated cycle this month or waiting and getting another SA before moving ahead with medications. My instinct was to pass on the 2nd SA at this time, b/c I know my husband will not be excited about driving 2 hours to do an SA, my husband is pretty set against IUI right now, and b/c we did conceive naturally 6 months ago. Basically the plan is to do the same protocol as we did with my last IUI, but with femara instead of clomid. I was very happy that my doctor suggested this, because it is what I was hoping for. My doctor also gave me his personal cell phone number in case I have any problems… I was blown away! He is a very kind doctor, and I think he shows extra care to patients that have been through difficulties and loss. I was so appreciative of that gesture.

I was pretty sure that we would go ahead with treatment this cycle, but I wanted to call R with the SA information before moving forward. I called R and he felt the same as I did, and was a little puzzled that this was just now mentioned (2 years after the SA and being told that his results were “normal”). So, I called the doctor’s office back and told them I wanted to go ahead with treatment this cycle. They were able to squeeze me in for an ultra sound if I could get back to the office by 4:15. By that point, I was almost home, on the other side of town, but turned around and drove back to the office. I got my favorite ultra sound tech, and she remembered me from like 6 months ago. She is very sweet and explains everything she sees. She even experimented with some 3D pictures, since she had just learned some new things at a conference over the weekend. She said that most people just think of it as being used to get cute baby pictures, but she said it can be really helpful for other things. For instance, she used it to get a 3D view of my endometrium. I had a ton of follicles, but none that were too large. My doctor even came in the room after the u/s and told me everything looks good and the nurses called in my meds. He even mentioned again that I have his number if I have any questions or problems. I left thinking, wow, I wish all my visits were like that! So, here is the protocol: Femara on days 3-7, FSH injection on day 9 and HCG injection when the follicles are big and ripe.

Announcement #2

Next, I had just enough time to run home, feed the dogs and drive back into town for my first yoga class. I signed up for a weekly yoga class at the community college and was really excited to start the classes, but after running around all afternoon, I was tempted to skip the class. I probably would have if I hadn’t paid for the class already. I made it to class a couple minutes late, but I was so glad I went. It was the most relaxing hour! I left feeling like I had just had a massage , that is how relaxed I felt. Then I went to a friend’s house whose husband was also working out of town. She made me and another friend a wonderful dinner. As soon as I got to her house she told me she is 3 months pregnant. I was really surprised by this announcement. She and her husband are pretty good friends, but I kind of had them pegged as the couple who don’t really want to have kids. I had actually considered opening up about fertility treatments tonight, because I thought who knows, maybe they are going through the same struggle. They know about our adoption falling through last February, but they don’t know about all of our infertility testing, treatments and mis-carriages. I asked her if they had been trying for awhile before they got pregnant, and she said yes, a really long time, like 2 years. It just didn’t feel like the right time to tell her about our 3+ year struggle with infertility and loss. I didn’t want to be a “Debbie Downer”, so I just rejoiced with her and spent the evening talking about all her baby plans. It was actually a really fun girl’s night. We watched a little Dancing with the Stars and laughed a lot. Something we all agreed we should do more often.

So, when I called my husband after leaving my friend’s house to tell him the news, I asked him… who will announce their pregnancy tomorrow? He said I don’t think there is anyone left to do the announcing! Hmmm, hopefully we will be the ones making an announcement in a couple months! Bring on the Femara!

His burden is light

I have had so many thoughts rolling around in my head lately, but haven't quite known how to put them into words. 

I had a breakthrough a couple weeks ago.  I was at home alone doing dishes of all things and I was overcome with sadness and worry.  I don't know what set me off, but I let my mind go down the path of sadness, self-pity and fear.  With soad suds on my hands, I cried out to my heavenly father.  I finally let go and gave my burden to the only One who can truly give peace. I told God I can't do this anymore. It's too much. I can't carry this burden any longer.  God is so faithful. I truly felt peace and a huge weight lifted.  I have continued to feel this peace. When feelings of sadness start to creep back in, I give it over to God.  I don't know why it took me so long to finally fall on my knees. Why did I have to try for so many months to do it on my own? Asking God to take my burden is so simple, and yet, it is so hard sometimes. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30